A conversation with Julie Goldstein on bringing her child into the family’s giving.
Julie Goldstein in conversation with Ali Motroni, Co-Director
When Julie and I first explored expanding our relationship earlier this year, I had some idea of what it would look like. I also knew what a privilege it was for her to bring me into such intimate conversations with her and her child. We regularly talk about legacy, the past, what we value and why, and what privilege means and how it’s felt differently across generations. These are topics that are hard to talk about in any family. I pinch myself often that I get to have conversations like this with people who are as committed to growth as I am.
There have been meetings over the last several months where I’ve shown up with an agenda and we’ve thrown it out the window, because the best use of our time was to hold a safe space for her kid to process, share, and ask questions.
Lately, I’ve had lots of conversations with adults who have kids in their early twenties. Whether they address it directly or in an offhand way, many are asking similar questions: When do you bring them into the family’s giving? How much do you tell them? How do you tell them more about the money and still raise generous kids? How do you keep it from feeling like an obligation?
Swaha is a second-generation family foundation. I serve as co-director alongside Julie and help shape the foundation’s strategy. Her parents brought her into these conversations when she was young, and she has put a lot of thought into how she wants to do it with her child.
I thought others navigating these questions would find her approach helpful, and she graciously agreed to an interview.
Ali: How did you decide it was the right time to bring the next generation in? Was there an aha moment, or did it build over time?
Deciding on the “when” has been an evolving question. It has meant listening for what my child was curious about and why.
They knew a lot already from being around many passing and formal conversations about Swaha Foundation over the years, and they met some of our grant partners very early on. Seeing our partners’ work at events, celebrations and through travel, and hearing everyday conversations with friends and colleagues, laid some pretty good groundwork for where we are now. The work of Swaha has been imprinted on them, unintentionally and indirectly, through normal family life.
Ali: When you pictured what it would look like to make the next generation’s involvement more intentional, what was important to you?
I think kids should be brought into the conversation early, along with some of the responsibility, even in small ways. My parents did this with me when I was young. I didn’t always appreciate it at the time, but I do now, after four decades of learning what this work asks of us.
Transparency matters to me, though every family has to decide what that looks like for them. In my case there wasn’t much of a choice. My parents were visible in our community, I worked in nonprofits, and people knew. I didn’t choose to be known as someone with money to give, and at a young age that was uncomfortable. It helped to watch my mom. She stayed close to the organizations she cared about and showed up for them. Philanthropic spaces can feel awkward, and her example helped me find my footing in them.
I’m still surprised by how many young people I meet who know very little about their family’s giving, and how many families with the means to give don’t do much of it. Values around giving usually start at home, in what a family talks about and what it doesn’t. Getting comfortable talking about it openly takes time. Learning it all at once as an adult is much harder.
I never pictured a formal “onboarding” process. But setting aside time for some basic education about the foundation and how its portfolio is invested turned out to be really valuable, because my child had been carrying a lot of questions. When I meet adults who feel in the dark about their family’s philanthropy, I feel for them. In my experience, keeping it secret is hard, and it often does more damage than working through the uncomfortable parts together. Showing up fully for this work starts with being comfortable in ourselves, and with knowing what kind of relationship we want with the organizations we fund.
A note from Ali: Earlier this year, I designed a retreat for the two of them. We pulled back the curtain and walked the next generation through the history of the foundation, how it’s invested today, and the grants it has made, and then we dreamed about the future. I was so proud that almost a decade ago, Julie had decided to move all of the foundation’s investments into ones that align with its mission. It was amazing to be able to tell a 20-year-old that their mom had made that call years before most foundations were even having the conversation.
Ali: What were you worried about going in?
That it would feel overwhelming, like added responsibility or a burden. I still wonder about that given my own experience of feeling that as I grew up. But I’m finding that starting early, going slowly, and keeping the conversation open helps.
A note from Ali: A few weeks ago, the three of us were talking and her kid said something I’ve been reflecting on since. Simply by bringing them into the conversation, we had placed a responsibility on them. We couldn’t invite them in and then say, “but you don’t have to be involved,” because opting out would also be a choice about how to use their privilege. I’m still learning from that and appreciate the honesty of our conversations.
Ali: What has surprised you?
Mostly that my child has taken it seriously. They want to learn more, and have been thinking about this role in ways that help with clarifying personal values, and how the next generation might be able to be more effective with philanthropic dollars in the world’s changing landscape.
Ali: What have you learned from your child’s involvement?
Being open about what it takes to oversee a foundation feels important for us, since it may be part of their life someday. Not every detail needs to be shared. But general openness feels healthier to me than keeping it closed off. I know this approach doesn’t work for everyone. For us it feels comfortable to be authentic, and is useful as we envision the work we most care about in the future.
Ali: Where are you two still working things out?
It is really beneficial to have a third party involved to help us figure things out as we go. I’ve met many families who wish they had done this earlier. It can be hard when family members’ values or approaches to philanthropy don’t line up.
A note from Ali: I think it’s also quite special and helpful that I’m between Julie’s generation and the next generation. We figure most of this out together, and each of us brings a different perspective to the same questions. I feel like a cool (and, according to the next gen, also uncool- ha!) aunt.
Ali: What would you say to a parent whose kid is in their early twenties and who isn’t sure whether, or how, to bring them in?
It depends on the kid. Ideally, though, the conversation starts long before then. Giving and receiving is a basic family value, and it’s something we can talk about with kids when they’re little. But involving our children at any age can only strengthen the philanthropic work that is badly needed in the collective. I feel strongly about this. It isn’t just about bringing them in for our own philanthropic goals. It’s for the people and places that will be the partners and beneficiaries of that capital.
One good way to start is by giving kids money to give on their own. Then you can help guide the process more intentionally with conversations and exposure to different missions. I’ve found that they don’t always know where to start without some guidance first. It can feel daunting, but it can also be empowering, especially when they’ve had exposure to different issue areas over time. It’s an interesting exercise, and worth watching how your children approach the invitation.
Every family is different, and for me, I feel strongly that educating the next generation is our generation’s responsibility. It can only lead to a more robust philanthropic landscape for the organizations in need of resources, at a time when they are most needed. I want to model to my child that giving dollars away is not really about us and our choices, but more about where we can help lift up the people and organizations doing the hard work on the ground.
A note from Ali: This year, we also rewrote the foundation’s mission as a set of Guiding Principles. We built them from the family’s own values and from how they want to show up as a partner to the leaders actually doing the work. One of my favorites is: “The clearest sight belongs to the people closest to the problem. Having access to resources doesn’t mean we know more, or that we’ve earned the right to lead from a distance.”
